Happy Hour at the Swim-up Bar

You have got no idea how much I was looking forward to finally diving into the pool at the Merlin Beach Resort, particularly about making my first visit to a swim-up bar. All my life I have had visions of these tropical oasis%26#39;s, funny coloured drinks with umbrellas in them and friendly locals manning the bar. Even now, a couple of months later, I still look back warmly on my first experience with these modern-day wonders. Alas, all didn%26#39;t go quite as smoothly as I had planned.

By the time we had arrived at the at the resort following the long flight from Melbourne, via Bangkok, Jenny and I we were both pretty knackered. After booking into our room, Jenny was desperately keen to catch up on some sleep and promptly lay down on the lovely huge bed .Armed with a couple of tins of Pringles (sour cream and chives) and her eye patches from the plane, she wasn%26#39;t going anywhere in a hurry. I, too, was tired, but the lure of happy hour at the swim up bar was just irresistible. I quickly changed into my turquoise dick togs (aka budgie smugglers, speedoes) and headed down the hallway to the lifts. I reckon the swimmers must have shrunk a fair bit since I last wore them, cause they were extremely tight. I couldn%26#39;t help but notice that the old couple in the lift shrank back into the corner upon my entry. I am sorry if they had just eaten, but I was on a mission.

When I got down to the pool, I was amazed to find there was hardly anyone at the bar. I chuckled to myself, knowing that I wasn%26#39;t going to have any trouble sleeping after the 4-6pm happy hour. I ditched my towel on a lounger and waded into the water at the kiddies entrance. Well, no sooner than I had got my feet wet, I was engulfed by an explosion of thrashing arms and legs. Out of nowhere, about 20 people descended on the swim-up bar at 3.59pm, taking every available seat. Not to be outdone, I proceeded to dog-paddle from one side of the bar to the other, waiting to pounce on any spare seat. After 45 minutes, I was completely buggered and could hardly stay afloat. It was only then that I realised it was only 1.4 metres deep. So I stood up.

Finally, a bloke must have needed to head off for a twinkle, cause a seat became free. I pounced on it and turned to make the acquaintance of the young ladies sitting next to me. I really can%26#39;t recall their names now, but they were the most lovely, friendly young women I had met in some time. The only concern I had was that they were both what can best be described as “amply chested” and I was having some difficulty maintaining eye contact with them. This was quickly noticed by the pair of hulking brutes sitting next to them, who started giving me glowering looks. Adorned with tatts on every visible part of their body, their biceps were thicker than my thighs! After ordering my first Duffy Fluck or some similarly named cocktail, I decided that I would just keep my eyes affixed straight ahead, thereby avoiding any unpleasantness. Unfortunately, nature was soon making its irresistible demands on my nether regions, and I was faced with the age-old conundrum – wee in the pool or get out and go to the toilet. I chose the latter.

I swear I was only gone a few moments, but when I got back some bludger had flogged my seat. This was more that I could take after such a long and exciting day, so I grabbed my towel and headed back to my sleeping beauty, who was spreadeagled sideways across the bed, empty Pringles tins and tourist brochures all over the place. I managed to clear a small portion of the bed and soon slipped into my first welcome sleep outside Australia.

Next time I am going to get down to the pool a lot earlier.

Cheers

Phil

Happy Hour at the Swim-up Bar

Phil .. you really have a way with words... you would make a great writer... i can picture it so clearly... right down to the turquoise budgie smuglers... :)

Cheers

Chelle

Happy Hour at the Swim-up Bar

Keep them coming Phil. Your adventures always bring a smile. You should write a travel book for 1st timers. Beryl

I nearly piddled in my seat after reading that.

I bet they loved your lily white victorian skin!!

I bet those girls loved you lily white victorian skin!!!!

You are certainly giving me lots of laughs Phil, to help get over the depression of being back from Phuket!

Deb

Great story. Can picture the scene. Couldn%26#39;t stop laughing when I read the bit when you realised you could stand up.

Also enjoyed your toilet story at Jung Ceylon. It reminded me of my husband%26#39;s misadventure when in Disneyland quite a few years ago. Briefly, he misplaced a piece of (used) paper which landed on the chap%26#39;s shoe in the next cubicle. I didn%26#39;t know my husband could run so fast!

Funny how we laugh at things like this. :)

LOL , that is a classic, Sandra. I just hope the poor bloke in the next cubicle wasn%26#39;t wearing thongs!

Cheers

Phil

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Removed on: 3:05 pm, October 19, 2009

Tooooo funny Phil, keep them coming!

Sour cream %26amp; chives yum my favourites lol.

Cathy